Dedicated to the one who will never read it.

What do you do,
When the person you love...
What do you say,
When the person you trust...
How do you act,
When your best friend,
turns their back, on you.

What do you do,
When you feel like the whole world
has turned on you?
You push away the people that matter most,
because the thought of that pain...
Drives you to your grave..

Color me Gray

The interactions between people can be so magical.
that glance at a stranger where you see them, really see them.
Linking eyes, contagious smiles.
Somewhere along the lines, we've all gotten lost.
so lost we don't recognize our own reflection,
how can any interaction be true, when you don't even understand you?
The only thing real are the never ending tears, the only feeling understood
is the ongoing pain.
They always say there is sunshine after the rain.
what do you do when its sunny, but just raining on you?
When the words "i'm fine" and a smile come so naturally but feel so
untrue.
You stay up late to watch the moon, the silence lingers around the room.
Watching the candle flame flicker, wondering when the this rain will run out.
When the sun will shine.

Hidden Fairies.

Fairy tales and wonderlands
make it hard to deal with life's demands.
Restless days and endless nights.
The only thing that eases her soul, is when she writes.
There is this hole in her soul,
that is filled with yearning.
She wrote her own story, and was always in control.
Until a storm hit and destroyed it all.
The winding road does not stop turning.
The black hole seems eternal.
As she watches the moon light up the sky,
she continues to be nocturnal.

Fly Away

Change

Change is inevitable,
You can try to hide in the darkness to escape,
but it's happening right outside your window.
So let's tape sheets to them and hide.
Escape it all.
Turned on the Artificial Intelligence on my desk,
and there it was.
It seemed so artificial staring at me in the screen,
but it was the truth, and it was now.
I was living in the past, I was so foolish.
I believed those words you whispered to me,
it was all a fabrication.
I recognize all the same events in those pictures, all the EXACT same places, you look the same,
the only difference is the other one is not me.
To be frankly honest that makes me happy.
It's opened my eyes and given me certainty.
I just never knew, that was something you would do.
In fact you assured me it was impossible,
Foolish me.
no.
Foolish you.

Release Me

I just want to scream,
at the top of my lungs
blow the roof off,
tear the insides out.
there is a lack of understanding.
to you I can't explain,
what it is that brought me here.
Release me,
make me whole again.

21 Years

21 years.

You always hear "adults" telling you how growing up happens so fast,
and to enjoy childhood,
but you cant wait to drive, to drink, to fall in love, to make love, to live on your own,
to be on your own.
So we run through it all, to get to this stage.
They were right. time really flies.
21 years. It's kinda crazy.
Feels like yesterday I was driving my kids jeep,
down the street to ask my friends to play.
I want to make this my year,
my year to conquer my fears,
to live my dreams,
a year to make a change.
Here is a list of to-do's. I have one year! I will update my blog when I finish each thing =)

-Travel to Europe
-Go Sky Diving
-Truly help someone
-Launch a fashion line, just for fun =)
-Sing, even just in the shower.
-Dance a lot.
-Laugh a lot.
-Love a lot.
-Write a lot.
-Paint a window in my room.
-Do some crazy spontaneous things.