This Song.

There's this song,
that brings peace to my life.
A sense of relief, but a piece of sadness.
How can this piece of sadness make me feel so strong?
Out of all the world's strife,
I play his voice,
and I can breathe.
Play on repeat.
I listen to every beat,
every breath
every word.
It's all heard.

Forever-Ben Harper.

Too Naive to See

What if everything could be ok?
If it could be normal.
If all of this could go away.

If these tears would disappear.
If the words you spoke were real.
This is not how I would feel.

I need the highs,
so sick of these lows.
Missing all the smiles.

I wan't to be alright.
can't stand this fight.

But these lies lie within,
they won't go away.
and I won't stay.

Why should I care?
When you didn't care.
I was always there, open hearted.
I was so unprepared.
So naive.

Left all alone to grieve.

Breath Deep, Let Go.

Breath Deep, let go.
My chest shakes
my lips tremble.
my insides ache,
i'm feeling pretty low.

It's all flash backing in my mind.
I shake my head for it to go away.
I wish I could unwind.
Everything is astray.

How long must this go on?
I have withdrawn.
My sword is down, my hands are free.
Why does it still hurt me.

Liar. Liar.

Liar, Liar
Did you think I'd never know?
Your lying eyes told me so...
I'll never know if you truly let that one go.
I miss you "Bear", she said.
You should have told her to fuck off instead.
Bear? That disgusting word will never leave my head.
Wouldn't she learn when she called you over, and you
were a no show?
I had enough of the cowardly ways.
Enough of the lying.
Enough of the crying.
You should have stood up for me,
like I did for you.
Hope it was worth it,
because of your lack of honesty,
were through.

Worn me Down

For a while things seemed cloudy,
everything grey.
Feelings of unending disarray.
People seemed so disappointing and disappointed.
It was hard to look away from the evil and the spiteful.
But the longer you stare into the past the longer you are living it.

Sometimes you live it for what seems to be forever
Slowly... mornings become inspiring,
the steam off tea is pleasing,
a bubble bath is the best thing,
a warm breezy night under the street lights
on the patio with a martini is perfect,
and with all that the world has to offer there is nothing
more that you could ask for.

Because the world keeps spinning,
Different doors keep opening,
with new faces walking in them,
and you can still do the things you love.

On my birthday I made a to do list for this year,
for about four months I continued on my regular routine, but still
dreaming of these goals.
until I read this quote

"First I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could get back to my career.
And then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying...
and suddenly realize that I forgot to live" - Author Unknown

Life is what you make it, and the experiences you live turn into memories,
and it's these memories that live on.



----> (Experience # 1) My motorcycle license... Something I have always found myself day dreaming about, I passed my test and I am now legally allowed to ride motorcycles (watch out drivers! ) and am on the search for my very own! I have met some awesome people along the way of that fun journey and expect to meet plenty more!

Dedicated to the one who will never read it.

What do you do,
When the person you love...
What do you say,
When the person you trust...
How do you act,
When your best friend,
turns their back, on you.

What do you do,
When you feel like the whole world
has turned on you?
You push away the people that matter most,
because the thought of that pain...
Drives you to your grave..

Color me Gray

The interactions between people can be so magical.
that glance at a stranger where you see them, really see them.
Linking eyes, contagious smiles.
Somewhere along the lines, we've all gotten lost.
so lost we don't recognize our own reflection,
how can any interaction be true, when you don't even understand you?
The only thing real are the never ending tears, the only feeling understood
is the ongoing pain.
They always say there is sunshine after the rain.
what do you do when its sunny, but just raining on you?
When the words "i'm fine" and a smile come so naturally but feel so
untrue.
You stay up late to watch the moon, the silence lingers around the room.
Watching the candle flame flicker, wondering when the this rain will run out.
When the sun will shine.